Sleeping on a Sidewalk

The bums don't have it that bad. At least they wouldn't if they had the proper equipment for sleeping on sidewalks. All they need is a modern bivy sack. To test out the feasibility of bumming it, I decided to head down to a city 20 minutes south of Portland, OR to sleep on the sidewalk in front of REI in the pouring rain. For supplies I had only four things: a Thermarest camping mattress to keep me off the cold ground and out of the 1cm of standing water, a three season -9°c(15°f) mummy style sleeping bag, and a bivy sack. The bivy had a single pole that arched across the head area, keeping the material off your face while you sleep. The zipper is of the weatherproof variety, keeping out most of the wind and water. The problem with this design for bum applications however is that a drunk bum crawling into it may accidentally close the zipper completely, suffocating himself. I recommend 6 inches of the zipper to conform with the manufacturer's recommendations for the prevention of suffocation.

I wore a thick wool sweater, stardard issue to most North West bums, and my jeans to bed. The only time I was cold during the night, it was my toes, which has slipped off the insulating Thermarest pad, and weren't covered by wool socks, another standard issue bum supply. I remained out of the wind and rain all night, and completely dry. This bivy was made from a material that was both waterproof and breathable, so water falling on the outside simply rolled off, and vapor did not condense on the inside. It was so comfy in fact, that I didn't even want to leave my protective cocoon-like bed in the morning, a trait that is also in keeping with life as a bum.

I recommend that all bums go out immediately and get themselves these three items. To protect yourselves from the upcoming winter cold, you may want a four season bag. Although it rarely if ever gets below -9°c, it may start to get cold when approaching this bone chilling temperature. The Thermarest, mummy bag, bivy combo sure beats sleeping under a bridge.